Wanton Song Cover Garageband

The Death of a Snowman

Snow

The lake and the woods....magically transformed.
The snow is a great concealer...but also a revealer. I felt a growing sense of ire and outrage as I traced the steps of a trespasser who had evidently come in through my gates this morning and walked all around my property. I am not amused. Sometimes I hate 'people' with a passion. This is one of those times.

The Atomisation of the Individual

My mother was due to see the consultant surgeon at the Royal Free to learn a) the results of the liver biopsy; b)whether she was to have the op or not ; c) what the next stage was if no op. She had a bed booked and a bag packed. Everyone had a sleepless night, dreading a scenario in which she was taken into hospital, never to emerge (she went in for 24hrs last week for the biopsy and came out with norovirus...we thought that that was NOT a good omen).
As it happens, in true right-hand-does-not-know-what-the-left-is-doing fashion, she got a call from Harlow hospital confirming her news-to her chemotherapy appointment on Friday...and thus she discovered, before seeing the consultant, what her fate is.
We are all very relieved that she is NOT having the op, not least because she will now be able to take advantage of the fact that the entire family, scattered to the four winds though it be, will be reassembled for Christmas and she will not be in intensive care. But, of course, this plus comes with the very large minus that the cancer has marched on and invaded the liver and lungs....

The Rollercoaster...or maybe it should be the helter-skelter...

which, as you know, only goes down. Mum's news very mixed. The op was all off and , of course, we all said'Phew!, lucky escape!' ...but just as when someone splits up with bf/husband/partner/wife one shd NEVER say 'never could stand the b******/b****', because they then promptly get back together again..so it is with the op which may now be back on again depending on the outcome of the liver biopsy...She goes BACK into the Royal Free for the nth time on Wed and may or may not be prepped for the op on Thurs. The uncertainty is torture....
Meanwhile, back here, I have just had a mega humiliating experience...a signing at Waterstone's Bridport. NO publicity in the window, NO indication that ANYTHING was going on in the shop at all...and , when I arrived....'could I just stand, holding the book, accosting punters, signing standing up etc etc. I tell you, I was ready to cry.
In the end , I went into the children's book area where I helped assorted customers to find and buy a)the writers' and artists' year book/'The Little Prince'/'The Twits' by Roald Dahl/The Stig's biography and sold 5 copies of my book...four to friends ( of whom I evidently have precious few).
Never again.
I asked where all the publicity material was that had been sent in advance. 'Oh, probably buried under stuff out back' because it came weeks ago.
I feel downright suicidal. For real.